In a meat eating world...

I'm so awake. Even Gerry got bored of playing in her wheel and has gone to bed!

Feel like a bit of loser at the moment. No job, no cash, bills to pay and everything seems a bit on the gloomy side. Blah blah blaaaah! No use in feeling sorry for myself! I cant staaaaand not having a job! Thats my problem.

I shall use my time off wisely....but reading up about veganism until I get bored of it...mwahaha I am soooo bored!

I wonder if my Macbeths, SSOV hoodie and Herbivore mag will arrive tomorrow? No wonder why I haven't got any bloody money! Heehee

I have now decided to cut chips and all things battered out of my diet when going into restaurants. I think I have been fooling myself as to what the chef's actually cook in that oil. Fish, Scampi, Chicken nuggets and the rest! Ok, so becoming vegan and going out to restaurants is a bit harder than I once thought. Hey, I'm still learning! I know I can go to the thai restaurant (that I adore!), but its looking like pubs are a no go for me now.

The reason why I am cutting out chips is a comic strip I saw on Sarah Kramers website. Go to govegan.net. It pretty much banged the nail on the head!

I've also decided to give up the vegan beer I drink too. I get tummy aches for about three days after drinking fizzy beers (I was a Whiskey, Rum and Guinness girl before being vegan!) Just fruit juices (not from concentrate) water and flavoured water for me now!

Cooking at home is not an issue and I really enjoy cooking so much more now. My little bro has popped to the shops to get a milkshake (hangover cure methinks!) and to get some tomato puree so I can do vegan pizzas!
I brought a new SSOV hoodie and Herbivore Magazine. Herbivore mags are to be no more after 2008...dammit!

Oh, and I'll leave this blog today with the wise words from Albert Einstein (maybe you've heard of him? )

'Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet' & 'If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from injury to animals.'

I have been reading a few articles recently regarding veganism in the news. I am so sick and tired of people's comments of 'Have you ever meet a healthy looking vegan?', 'Humans are meat eaters', 'Why, if a vegan diet is so healthy, do so many have to take vitamin/mineral supplements?'...blah blah blah...I am healthier than I ever have been, I dont feel lethargic, run down and I dont take any vitamin supplements. As I have stopped dying my hair (unless with henna)and now my hair is alot heathier and doesnt break off. I have a healthier appetite, I enjoy my food so much more now and I love getting new receipes. For someone who has had a 'thing' with food since the age of 13 years old, its great that I enjoy my food now I am happier, I dont feel as low as I used to. I hardly have any spots anymore. I'm alot more energetic too. Soo all in all, being healthier, looking better and hopefully saving a few animals, does anyone wish to let me know what the bad points of becoming vegan actually are?? Granted, becoming vegan is not for everyone, I just think unless you've been vegan for a while, I mean for longer than two weeks(!!), then maybe people should reassess their comments < ------ Just my opinion, not saying i'm right or anything!

I brought some Macbeths this week (finally!) and they should be winging their way to me now. My suede DC's have been thrown in the bin. Hurrah! Being vegan is getting so so so much easier now. Also, the boyf now knows that he is lactose intolerant, so he is cutting dairy out of his diet. Even my Nan's doctor has told her to cut out all dairy products too! I'm going round to her house sometime this week to cook a lunch or dinner without the use of any dairy products, which she seems happy about.

I might just have to purchase a SSOV hoodie too Who'd have thought I've been redundant!

About the job thing, I've decided that I'm not going to bother getting a permenant job until I found something that I really really want to do. I'm just going to temp for a while. My Mam freaked me out the other day though, I went for an interview with this HUGE company in Southend and a few days later they said that I was too nervous in my interview (I haven't had an interview for almost three years!!) anyways, I told Mam that I didn't get the job, to which she replied, 'Good, I didn't want you to get it anyway'. I was kinda shocked to say the least! I asked why, and she told me that they test on animals on that site! I was gobsmacked, to say the least.

So onwards to temping I think!

I brought some braised Tofu yesterday from H&B's (as Tesco's was no where to be found!) and I also looked for the normal Blue Dragon Tofu in Sainsbury's. After searching high and low I asked a guy who was stacking shelves. At first I thought he thought I was speaking alien, then he said if its not down the section with all the free from products are the we dont stock it. And no, it wasnt with all the free from products (first place I looked!) I mean come on, no tofu, in Sainsburys?!

So last night I opened my tin of braised tofu (never tried it before, you see). It smelled and looked like cat food. And it tasted awful. Tin went in the bin and now I'm most unhappy as I have no tofu.

I feel so gloomy at the moment. I'm so sure my life wasn't meant to turn out like this.

Anyways, best get up and ready for.....erm...cleaning. I promised Ma whilst I was home i'd help out more around the house (its the only thing thats keeping me sane at the moment!) I've been off work for 3 and a bit days, how can I be bored so soon?!

Yesterday I had to grab the bus into town (which takes at least 40 mins) to go to the only shop that I needed, which decided not to open until 20 past 9, which means I had to catch the later bus home, and then I missed my interview. Great. I had another interview yesterday which did not go well. I just got real nervous. The guy interviewing was so stand-offish, as if he had so many better things he could be doing. Got another two interviews lined up for next week though.

On a lighter note, as i'm not at work I can prepare freshly cooked meal which taste amazing! I'm going into town today and will get some more tofu....Mmmm....tofu!

I am going to London on Saturday, just for a mooch around. Need new sneakers (yes, I STILL haven't found any I really like!)

I've started my detox. Only a two week detox this time though, nice and easy.

Best have my morning detox shake then...

is not too bad. Just feels like i'm on a holiday. When i've got no cash thats when the worrying will set in!

I'm bored already.

Will have to cook a yummy breakfast of scrambled tofu on toast methinks to cheer me up before my day of looking for a new job kicks my ass into reality.

I had this gorgeous chinese soup yesterday, although I ate too much of it. It was a red curry soup with loads of vegetables. It was so hot & spicy!

Had an interview on friday, but I didn't turn up! It was for a company called IFDS and I really did not want to end up getting a job there. Its difficult to get to, and the hours were 11 - 7. There is no way that i'd get home before 9!

I miss having a job to go to lame, I know, but its an excuse to get of bed in the mornings.

Had a great weekend, just chilled out mainly. Got to use the kitchen a bit more, so that was fun went out for a meal with the boyfriend and his parents yesterday evening. It was nice, although I was pretty nervous as I havent seen them since we split up first time round.

Hmmmm....best go and sort out my breakfast!

...Was a mish mash version of Scrambled Tofu, although I added extra's:

Tofu,
Onion,
Mushrooms,
Spinach,
Baby potatoes,
Salsa mix,
Lemon juice,
Pepper,
Toast.

Took about 18 minutes to make, not alot of washing up (as you chuck it all in he same pan).

In a word: Scrummy!

Last night I cooked myself a Chinese mishmash Stirfry:

Noodles,
Lemon juice,
Mushroom,
Tofu,
Cauliflower,
Broccoli,
Peas,
Carrots.

Also another scrummy dish which tool about 18 mins to make. This vegan malarky is getting easier and easier!

I've deleted my blogs from myspace (I used Myspace for my blogs and dont see a reason why I should use that site anymore) and came across three of my terrible uncompleted poems...so ta dah:

Horror

She awakes,
Cant breath,
Sweat dripping in her eyes,
Cant see,Heart pumping,
Thumping to the rhythm,
To the beat.
All alone now,
Listening to the night,
The silence is deafening.
Blood pounding in ears,
Dont want to be alone now,
Afraid.
Cant sleep,
Defeat the swirling hurting feeling,
Pit of my stomach,
Stuck in my throat,
All in my mind.
She drifts away.

Beautiful people
I could never compete with them.
But, I feel kind of liberated now,
Like I've seen God in Hollywood,
Emancipated,Death clinging to his heels.
They walk on by,
Never lifting their oh so pretty heads.
I kneel by this statue,
Tears creep down my face,
People pass by, confused.

Rubbish

We are the twentysomethings
The throwaway culture kids
We have trashy idols that become more known the more they self destruct
Coffee book textures of:
Vomit
Ash
Bad skin
Broken dreams
Broken promises
Dirty thoughts
Dirty mouths
Shattered minds
I am suspicious of your plastered plastic smile
We are your souce of bemusement
Your souce of wonder
Your critical glances
Roll eyes
Roll dice
Roll lives

-------------------------------------------------------
I used to be good at writing poems....my talent has all but left me.Jobless and hopeless is the way I feel today.

And this is what the boyfriend brought to cheer me up! His name is Bobo.

So we've got to wait until 2:00 today, HR will send out an email. Great. This is taking such a long time. I just want to leave now. I'm sitting at my desk trying to sort out a new tattoo idea. I have no work to do at all. Scary.

I have a few interviews lined up, but I really fancy temping for a few months.

The boyfriend brought me a plush toy yesterday to cheer me up as i've been feeling really down recently due to the job. I've got an interview on Wednesday, but im thinking of just going temping for a few months until things settle down.

Im thinking of having my hair cut again as I'm soooo bored with havin such a normal hairstyle!

Roll on the weekend....I have brought 3 pairs of new jeans, hat and tshirt. Im feeling gloomy so shopping always cheers me up! So, I just really need to buy some new sneakers now....like urgently!

Still haven't had much luck. I've got an interview Friday afternoon and one next tuesday aswell, but who knows what'll happen? Security blanket has been stripped away rather quickly and violently to be honest! We await with baited breath.

My brother finally got a job today. He had the interview this morning and by 12:00 he knew that he'd got the job. Its only part time (as he is still at uni), but at least my parents will be off his case and he'll be able to go out and have a good time with his friends without worry too much about his money.

Im going home x

If I get another call from an agency saying 'I love your CV, but you just seem a bit too experienced' I will seriously lose my temper! Just get me an admin job!!! Jeeez.

Had enough of work today...cant wait to get home and chill the hell out. And maybe sort out my washing and ironing. Gerry needs to been cleaned out too.

Sooooo fed up!!

So, I know whats going on. Redundancy, 9th May. Was informed today! Roll on them interviews! I hardly slept last night I was worrying so so so much about work. I work up this morning, and I figured 'What the hell? Why am I worrying about this? Whats the point'.

I have an interview on Thursday, which i'm looking forward to.

My hair is a gorgeous reddy black now and I love it.

Dan and I are going out for dinner tonight, cant wait! Purchasing my lovely Macbeths tomorrow, woopwoop!

I almost bought my Mam a hamster for her birthday......but Pops wouldn't let me....meany! My Mam really REALLY wants a hamster, and I saw the cutest fat ginger hammy. He had long fur which looked like it had been crimped.....so cay-ute! Also there was loads of rats there which were real sweet. As soon as I move out i'll get two rats and a guinea pig (I loves guinea pigs, theyre better than puppies!!)

Almost home time!

Had a savage day yesterday. Went into town with my brother, we mooched around, I was looking for new vegan sneakers...my brother managed to buy two pairs of sneakers....I came back home...with none. Damn him for having normal man sized feet! I have dinky size three feet. Grrr. I FINALLY managed to find a pair of Macbeths in my size! Woop Woop! I just need to buy them. But I kinda got a bit too happy with shopping on the net yesterday, bought a SSOV hat and tee shirt. http://www.secretsocietyofvegans.co.uk/ssov/ I couldn't help myself!

Brought some black henna from Lush. Brown roots are driving me mad! So I'm now bored of sitting around for three hours, so I might just have to take it off right now!

Anyways, roll on redundancy! I'll have some cash then....super lol!
xxx

Oh...k. So I think my mum was a bit fed up about me banging on about how wonderful Holland and Barretts is for vegan food. 'Have a look on the Tesco's website, write some bits down and then you dont have to go food shopping every weekend', she said. So, armed with a pen and a stack of paper I went onto the website. In a word...wow! I managed to sort out a whole weeks worth of shopping (three meals per day including snacks)for £15.87! I was getting about four - five evening meals and a few snacks for just over £20.00 at H&B's!

Dont you just hate it when mothers are right?!

Had a mooch about yesterday for some jobs, got in touch with a few agencies. If nothing permenant comes through, then i'll just temp for a little while Im feeling a bit happier about the redundancy thing now, i'll get to clear my debts, have a new job/or dole. Sod it, I'm 23, never been out work before since I left school (I always had a weekend job whilst at school/college), so what the hell! I guess a 'deserve' a little time off for good behaviour. Hehe.

I've decided to detox when I know whats happening about work. I will start training again (low blood pressure + workouts = never done me any harm...yet!) I miss Tae Bo, and my arms normally tone back up within a week, legs & arse three weeks - month, stomach about two weeks....so what the hell, I'll be happy with my bod in about a months time. Detox will start third week of training, which'll be just in time to know about the redundancies....perfect timing!! Will get my arse in gear tomorrow....well....I have to go shopping for new ear stretchers and a new lip piercing today most important!

My baby bro went out on this piss last night, so this morning (at half 11) I woke him up with a tray of sweet hot tea, buttered toast and sliced fresh melon. Aint I the nicest sister? He came in about four this morning, after skate boarding back pissed out of his face from Southend (which has to be about 20 mins drive away on a good day, so god knows how long it took him on his board!) Hehe......kids huh? (he's almost 20 btw)

Well, i'd better get up and start getting ready...the tide waits for no man....or woman either!

DETOX!

I've eaten so much junk this week - due to work. Crisps ahve been my downfall. Salt and vinegar walkers are vegan, Chinese food last night and then Thai food on wednesday...yummy!

The 21st cannot come quick enough for me.

I had the day off today, hunting down jobs. Who knows what'll happen.

Now i'm going to bake some cookies....theyre good vegan cookies and low in fat!

So yesterday we had a look at the minutes of the redundancy meeting that took place last friday. It was real sad....in a way. But i'm pretty sure i'm leaving as I have a disaplinary against my name, for internet usage would you believe! So onwards and upwards, as 'they' say! I will know for certain on 21st April, but I think I should really start sorting myself out a bit. At least if I do get my redundancy pay I can clear my debts, that'll be nice. I wouldn't mind getting a shop job just to tide me over for a bit (as long as I can pay off debts).

So i'm bored with the cut of my hair. I haven't had something nutty done in a while. (Henna dying hair does not count as nutty!) I really have to keep the style professional - for interviews. So I need a funky cut, which is suitable for interviews and wont annoy the parents. It's going to be a hard call!

Going to Thai restaurant on Wednesday and I have got to book up a meal at Chinese at Billercay for Monday. Me and the boyfriend are celebrating our two month anniversary. Got to laugh really as if we hadn't broken up we would've celebrated out 5 year anniversary on 1st feb this year!

Seeing B on Thursday, which I cant wait! I haven't seen him in ages as we've been rowing alot. Seeing K on Saturday, which'll be fab as I haven't seen her for a mission either!

On the vegan side of life everything is hunky dory. Apart from my suede DC's! I always wear my DC's (even to work) so now I really have to sort out new sneakers.....dammit.

I have been a 'Gloomy Sue' today. I really really really dont want to go into work tomorrow, I've been in bed most of the day munching on biscuits reading books and cat napping. I finally managed to get up and watch a film with my brother then back to bed! Geraldine has been cleaned out and smells lemon fresh. I went to see the boyfriend, but even he couldn't get me out of the 'funk'.

The lush Henna hair dye worked loooovely. My hair feels like i've never dyed it before. I think i'll go and get the black though next time. My roots are too light! I advise anyone who wants to dye their hair to do it the non chemical way - Henna! Hair cut soon for a more professional/interview cut.

I dont want to go to work tomorrow, I dont want to go to work tomorrow!!!
Two more weeks until I find out if i'm being made redundant...grrrr...just tell me now! I wont be able to last two weeks, I get way too emotional when things like this happen and take it so personally.

I think I should bake some cookies tomorrow (its a bit late to bake now!)night to cheer me up.

I couldn't help it! I walked into Lush....just for a look round..and there was a slab of Lush Henna hair dye. I was about to walk out but caught a glimpse of my roots in a mirror...so I marched up to the counter 'I'll take a slab of that gorgeous smelling henna' I said to the sales assistant. She asked what colour I wanted, so instead of saying RED RED RED...I opted for the brown (my natural hair colour) we then talked for ages about the amount of terrible products we use on our hair and I realised that I'm probably not the only one who's fed up of these awful chemical hair dyes. So, I've just mixed it up and sloped it on my head. Woohoo! No chemical smell, just an odd sort of grass/mossy sort of smell. Its not unpleasent, although I think i'm going to be fed up of it once the six hours are up! Cant use the chemical stuff on my hair after this has been used, which I doubt will be a problem. I normally get my hair dyes from Boots which cost anything up to a tenner, this one slab cost six quid AND i didn't need to use it all (I've probably got three more uses out of it!) soo I'm quids in really cant wait to see the outcome...

I had some fake scampi yesterday, which was a weird experience. It tasted nothin like scampi! Grrrr
I bought some new soya yoghurts and some chilli con carni (yum!). I've also decided at weekends i'm going to start making meals from scratch (except for today as I have lumpy henna on my head for six hours!) so tomorrow I might make myself a smoothie (double yum!) and maybe a soup with home made bread.

Tonight I will have....hmmm....snitzel, lots and lots of veg and potatoes (I adore potatoes, so versatile)

Didn't go to London today....I slept in late and we just trooped into town to grab a subway....Mmmm...

My mum is super sweet, I had a real shitty day yesterday as we found out we will know who's being made redundant on 21st April, I'd left my hair straighteners on and burnt a hole in my carpet! She didn't yell at me, she knew I was feeling low and was totally cool about it. Well, as cool as you can be when your daughters burnt a hole in pretty new-ish carpet! I went upstairs into my hell hole of a room to check out the damage, and on my bed she had left me lots of avon and body shop goodies that she had in her make up bag. How sweet is that? Not only does it make me feel like she's accepted the 'vegan thing' but sh'es activly encouraging it!

Good ol' mum

When I get the 'ump, everyone knows it!

21st April is the date of redundancies. I seem to be arguing with best mate non stop, who appears not to be a best mate anymore, annoyed the boyfriend as 'I take things too quickly'...blurgh. What a v.v.v.v.sad day.

Tonight, I will curl up in bed with my green tea, veggie chocolate, veggie lemon biscuits and sob whilst reading 'Gone With The Wind'.

I have no vegan alcohol in the house....damnit.

On a lighter note, Vegan fajhitas (cant spell!) are truly scrumptious with mustard and chips!!

So, the boyfriend and I (well....actually, just the boyfriend) worked out that the Green Thai Curry I had the other day has...wait for it...Coconut milk in! I'm pretty chuffed at that...hehe...we went to the Thai restaurant again last night, and as usual we all had the most lushious dinner.

http://realfood.redblackandgreen.net/isitvegan/ is my new fav website. Its helped me out alot when i'm at work and the vending machine beckons me.

This 'vegan' thing aint so hard...*!!*...its just a bit of a lifestle change. The amazing thing about being vegan (apart from the obvious!) is the way that you dont really have to bother with the calories, the saturated fat, salt and sugar content in food. Dont get me wrong, there's probably vegan 'junk food' out there somewhere, but i've rarely come across anything thats REALLY terrible. I guess the worst thing I eat now are these dairy free chocolate buttons (but they're just soooooo scrummy!!)

I've stopped working out for a bit at the moment. I have low blood pressure, and feel rather stressed out about my job, which I think is the reason I keep feeling faint and almost passing out. I tend to feel faint and wobbley when I have a lot of stress in my life and this has happened a few times before. I'll just have to keep an eye on it

I still haven't dyed my hair. Maybe it'll be good to give it rest from crap hair dyes for a while!!

Not really bothered looking for a job recently. Just going to see how it pans out really. I did write down some charity organisation jobs, so I will check those out at the weekend.

The boyfriend and I are heading up to London on Saturday to mooch around Tate Moden and the Embankment. The last time we headed up to the Embankment there was a double bassist and a drummer having the time of their life making fantastic music together. Also I love it when the Embankment has loads of book stalls and knick-knack stalls to browse around. Normally find a nice little gem hidden away.

So, I wish I could say I was miserable about work (redundancies), but I'm kind of thinking 'aw, hell, i'll do something better with my time'.

All the in-house solicitors have been made redundant.

Its a sad atmosphere here today.

Had the first redundancy meeting today...basically if the make over 100 people redundant then it'll take 90 days, if its under 100 people, it will take 30 days. I'd rather know now!!

I wish I was up in Bristol so I could work for VIVA- Vegetarians International Voice for Animals. That would be amazing.

I might have to take a day off from work to venture up to London to see if theres any charity work I can do as well as working full time/perm.

Going to the Thai restaurant again tonight with the boyfriend and one of his friends. I'm driving...woopwoop! I have booked my drivers test too, so I need to get as much practise in as possible.